GUTS NOT SHORTCUTS part 1 - by neely

Matthew 7:13 says... Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life - to God - is vigorous and requires total attention.

Have you ever seen a couple that has been married for a long time and they still seem happy? genuinely happy? I encourage you to ask them how they made it. There are two different types of married couples, those that make it and those that don't. Some couples ignore issues. You can call it keeping the peace if you want. Or some couples deal with issues as they come. When I say "deal" I mean they get help, they talk about it, they tell the truth, and they stay faithful, and they forgive.

For those couples who stay together but don't deal with issues... they become comfortable, content to live separate lives. They hide things from each other. This is scary in so many ways. It will end up back firing on them. Something will happen and when it does they ask themselves "how did we get here? how did this happen? I didn't see it coming" They were not paying attention.

Matthew 7:13 says at the end "requires total attention"... same for marriage. stay alert. stay in tune with each other.

Colossians 3:15 - Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing.

Being married is HARD. Josh and I have definitely been at a place when we could have bailed. Thankfully we didn't, and thankfully we had the same desires for our marriage. At our first session of our second round of marriage counseling, after we had just shared our main issues with the counselor, she said "well, the good news is... you two still adore each other". I can't tell you how much relief that made me feel. I knew I still loved Josh in spite of all our problems but for someone on the outside to sense that we still liked each other was extremely hopeful for me. That may not make sense, but it let me catch my breath. I didn't feel like we were drowning anymore. I'm so thankful Josh was open to going to counseling with me.

It takes major guts to face your issues. Then it takes even more guts to face your issues in a marriage. Marriage will FORCE you to change. If you don't change, you will be unhappy. Marriage forces you to become one with another person. To become one with someone, there are some things that you will have to quit doing and some things you'll have to start doing regardless of how you feel about it to make the marriage work well.

Hebrews 12:1 - Such a large crowd of witnesses is all around us! So we must get rid of everything that slows us down, especially the sin that just won't let go. And we must be determined to run the race that is ahead of us.

Pay attention to your marriage. Pay close attention. If you don't, Satan will find his way in and will go to great lengths to distort your view on your marriage and your spouse. If you are not watching Satan will rip your marriage right out from under you.

1 Peter 5:7-9 says... Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

So that's why so many marriages fail... because it's extremely hard work. But extremely worth it. Can you imagine a marriage without guilt, doubt, fear, and anxiety?

Job 11:13 says... Still, if you set your heart on God and reach out to him, if you scrub your hands of sin and refuse to entertain evil in your home, you'll be able to face the world unashamed and keep a firm grip on life, guiltless and fearless.

My advice to the couple who isn't married yet, but hopes to be someday... make sure you have the same desires and same convictions, make sure there's no questions. Don't get married with questions. Don't get married with doubts. If you are already doubting if it will work, don't get married at all.

My advice to the already married couple... make sure you put in a good fight for your marriage. It will be hard, especially if you are DEALING with your issues. If things seem to be easy, almost too easy, maybe you should make sure you're not ignoring issues, just so they won't blow up in your face someday. The grass isn't greener some place else. So keep defending and fighting for your marriage. It's worth it. Very worth it. It takes GUTS to have a good thriving marriage.

Malachi 2:13 - God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that's what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you.

A very dear friend of mine recommend I read this book "Love and War" by John and Stasi Eldridge and it put so many things in perspective for me. I highly recommend it :) If you don't want to buy it, I have a copy, and I'd love to let you borrow it.

Josh and I feel like we are finally at a place of healing in our marriage. That doesn't mean we are fixed. I don't think we'll ever be "fixed". But we feel like we are out of the dark. This song is "our" song right now. It's called Healing Is In Your Hands by Christ Nockels

"In all things we know that we are more than conquerors" - Christy Nockels

God is our mighty healer.

We are about to drive each other crazy - by josh

Neely and I have been going through dry stage. It's really nothing new for us, most of our marriage has been extremely challenging for both of us, but lately it has seemed especially strong and in our face. I'm sure many of you have your own struggles within your marriage. Marriage is somewhat set up to be difficult. You take two completely different people who grew up with two different backgrounds (in many cases) and you put them under the same roof and hope for the best. It sounds a lot like reality TV!

I keep going back and forth in my mind about going in to detail about our problems...They are really nothing to be secretive about. I don't always like to think about our issues because I feel responsible for a lot of our problems. I feel like I have shared a million times that I struggle with anxiety. I guess I just keep bringing it up because it is a major issue for me. My anxiety not only comes from worrying about things, but more specifically, what people think about me. I feel the weight of people's opinions on me constantly. A small example that I have shared before is when I am in a drive-thru line. I order as quickly as possible and I ALWAYS have my money ready to go when I get to the window...God forbid, the person behind me would have to wait an extra 30 seconds on my account!

That kind of issue is really not a big deal on it's own, but add my sweet wife in the drivers seat and things get really tricky! Neely likes to pull up to the ordering speaker and then look the menu over...I wish I could tell you the exact number of times she has sensed me being in a rush and said about the car behind us, "oh they're just fine." Meaning that the people behind us will be alright if they have to wait a couple of minutes on us. The frustrating thing about it is I know Neely is right. I know it isn't going to kill anyone if they have to wait a few minutes...

It's easier said then done...

Here's how is how Neely and I's differences go from simple to out of control...

Neely sees me rushed...worrying about the car behind us.
Neely thinks I care more about the car behind us then her feelings (rightfully so.)
Neely believes that she is making me nervous.
At this point I am not thinking about Neely, only the pressure to hurry.
She then becomes anxious and nervous because I am uptight.
She rushes.
As we drive off, Neely feels uncomfortable and frustrated because something simple was turned into something stressful.
Before she knows it she becomes irritable .
At this point I am relieved we are finally out from the pressure.
Then the tidal wave comes when I realize Neely is feeling all the emotions above.
I ask what I did wrong.
2 hours later we are both more hurt and upset and I still don't know what I did wrong.
and on and on it goes, getting bigger and more out of control.

This is only ONE of my many issues. Put all of my struggles and issues in a big pot and throw in the few things Neely struggles with and it makes for an interesting blend.

Throughout our marriage I have always believed the Lord would use the hard times we have had for good. I have always sensed that the Lord had a specific purpose for our struggles. I guess I thought He would let up a lot sooner! Neely and I are still right in the thick of battling for our marriage. Life is day-to-day if not hour-by-hour clawing to have hope in the midst of our circumstances. Life is hard. We are in marriage counseling for the second time in our short 5 years of marriage. It has been hard to have hope lately. Both of us have to focus on the things we do have. We have the same convictions, the same hopes and dreams for Drew, and wonderful families.

I was reading out of my daily devotional and this really spoke to me.

"At His Feet" devotional-

In a crisis, we are prone to set our minds on the desired outcome. We fix our gaze on the preferred result and ask God to accomplish it. That outcome may be good and holy, but as long as it is our hope, we are not focused on Jesus and His kingdom. Jesus asks us to set our minds on God and accept what He accomplishes. The outcome may be exactly the same in both cases; but calm in our hearts will only be a reality in the latter approach. We cannot experience the peace of faith when our eyes see God as a tool to accomplish our purposes. Our eyes can be either on God or on outcomes. Not Both.

Jesus is constantly telling us to think in a way contrary to our fallen nature. It's difficult; we need frequent reminding. But it's the only way to internal rest. Pry your hopes off of your circumstances and put them on the Person who promises peace. Desire only Him, and you will never be disappointed. Or worried.
----

This was a good reminder for me to quit focusing on the difficult circumstances of our marriage and put my attention "on the Person who promises peace." I need this reminder daily. Worry is in my nature. My old nature...

2 Corinthians 5:17 (TNIV)

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Hope is all I need to keep going. As long as the Lord provides Neely and I with hope, even just a little, there is no doubt in my mind we will make it til death parts us...

God's promises are so sweet

Psalm 9:18 (TNIV)

18 But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish.

HOPELESS - by neely

Lately I've felt hopeless. I've had a lot of doubts and questions. It's one of those times when God seems quiet. He doesn't seem to speak to me at all lately. I can't force Him to speak to me. I can't force Him to answer me. I can't force Him to make me feel better. I keep asking Him to give me hope. I just need a little hope and I can get through the day. If I don't have hope, I feel depressed.

There are times when God is quiet. I don't know why. I wish I did. And it seems He is most quiet when I need Him most. It's hard for me to not take it personal.

A couple of nights ago, I read Romans 15:13 and it made sense to me...

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I use to think that having hope was a choice. You choose to be hopeful. But after reading this verse I realized that you can't really choose to be hopeful and succeed, at least not for long. The only way you can truly know hope is to trust Him. It says, "as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

So first we trust Him and then by the power of the Holy Spirit, we overflow with hope!!

If we could choose to be hopeful, then this world would have a lot less depressed people. So today I will try and trust that there's a reason He's being quiet in my life right now. Trusting God is the way to hope.


email me :) neelyjacobson@hotmail.com

Fear- by Josh

“Fear creates a form of spiritual amnesia. It dulls our miracle memory. It makes us forget what Jesus has done and how good God is.”

Taken from Fearless by Max Lucado

A couple of nights ago my daughter and I went outside to grill some dinner. I was busy getting the grill ready when I looked over and saw Drew picking up ants with her hands. I know ants are harmless little bugs and she is certainly intrigued by all little creatures at this age but I couldn’t help but immediately tell her to put the ants down and leave them alone. My mind knows ants are harmless, yet in just a few seconds I had rationalized the possibility of ants crawling on Drew, making it into the house, and before I knew it I was imagining how difficult and how costly it would be to get rid of an army of ants infiltrating our home.

The same is true for me in so many other areas of life. Fear and worry are best friends who make it a personal mission to torment my life. One thought can quickly leave me paralyzed by fear internally. I lock up and submit to the lies they whisper to me. My mind jumps from bad, to worse, to absolute worst-case scenario in a short time. It is easy for me to see the negative in my circumstances.

Neely and I moved into our house a little over a year ago. Our backyard is open to a large field that has a lot of wildlife and living creatures in it. Last summer we got the joy of killing snakes outside and dealing with several (LARGE) spiders in our house. My fear of the two became so bad in my mind that at times I actually feared we had made a mistake buying our house. Every day I would walk into our living room and scan the floor for spiders. I would hesitate to lay on the floor to play with Drew. The weight of fear in my life was unbearable at times. It was an all-consuming fear.

These fears are just a few of many. I struggle with fearing what other people think about me. When I drive I get paranoid about being in the far right lane and blocking someone who is waiting to turn behind me. At the drive-thru I order as quickly as possible because I worry about making the people behind me wait. I fear we don’t have enough money in savings because if _________ happened it would empty our savings. The list goes on and on for me.

I am still learning how to release my fears to the Lord. It is a daily struggle and sometimes an hourly one. I heard this verse in a message by Craig Groeschel several years ago and it has been a constant prayer for me.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I have had to realize that anytime I feel fear it is not from the Lord. When I feel fear I have had to quickly recognize that the enemy is at work. In 1 Peter 5:8 (NKJV) it says,

⁸ Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

I know this is a verse we have all heard many times in our life but I love the way the New King James Version says it… be sober, be vigilant. Dictionary.com defines vigilant this way: keenly watchful to detect danger.

It’s interesting that the Lord gives us a spirit of power, love, and of a sound mind. This is exactly the opposite spirit I have when I am overtaken by fear and worry. I feel powerless and out of control. A sound mind is my hearts longing.

Honestly, I am far from having overcome my struggle with fear. I have lost many days to its subtle destructiveness. Neely and I have been married for almost 5 years and it is just as much an issue for me today as it was when we got married. I feel helpless to it. I read a devotional just this morning that really impacted me…

At His Feet- June 14

...Many Christians get caught in an inconsistency between their words and their lives. It’s quite common. We say we love God, but we fail repeatedly in our obedience, usually in one or two areas in particular. We have secret sins, nagging habits, persistent character flaws that we just do not want to let go of. We know this, and we know God’s desire for us to leave those things behind. But we don’t; it’s too hard. That’s when we need to ask ourselves a deep question: Do I really love Him? That’s the issue, isn’t it? If we loved Him more than that habit, sin, or character flaw, we would have victory. We pursue the things we love most. If we hang on to our hidden faults, don’t we love them more?

Jesus often used “love” and “obey” in the same sentence. It isn’t a coincidence. It’s a challenge. Search your soul. Decide whom you love, and obey Him with all your heart.

We pursue the things we love most…

For many years I have excused my issues. Today I’m going to decide whom I love and obey Him. Will you join me?

"The path to your greatest potential is often straight through your greatest fear."

-Craig Groeschel

HE WILL CONQUER YOU TO BLESS YOU - by neely

ISAIAH 30:18
Yet the Lord still waits for you to come to him, so he can show you his love; He will conquer you to bless you.

The last sentence "He will conquer you to bless you"... is the story of my life.

Let me try to explain with these three experiences...

FIRST:
I've been trying to lose weight for about 5 months now. After having Drew, 2 years ago, I realized that I had 15 pounds to lose to get back to my weight before I got pregnant. I've tried off and on for the last two years without much success. In January I decided to get serious about losing weight. I joined a gym and was eating better. It's now May and I haven't lost one pound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so discouraging, to try so hard, and get no results. Whatever!!!! Slowly, I've become convinced that I cannot lose weight and that I'll just have to get use to being bigger than I've ever been.

SECOND:
Josh and I put off taking Drew to the nursery at church for two years and we finally decided that it was time that she get use to being in a class with other kids. The first few times we took her, she would scream and kick and beg us not to leave her. I would get sick to my stomach. It was horrible. I would cry during church knowing she was in there scared. It didn't feel natural to me. It didn't even feel right. I was convinced she would never like it, and that she would be traumatized. I was convinced I would never be able to enjoy sitting through church, because my daughter hated the nursery. I started to dread going to church all together.

THIRD:
I had just gotten out of a gut wrenching relationship that left me feeling misunderstood and a little bitter. But I was also spending a lot of time with the Lord, praying and asking him to guide and direct me towards the next chapter in my life. I wasn't really hanging out with my friends a whole lot. I was just trying to figure myself out. I was bored with my life. I was going to college and driving a school bus as my job. I was getting a little depressed feeling like I had no direction in my life. I hated school, and my job wasn't the best either. I remember being on my bus dropping kids off and a thought popped in my head, "There's absolutely no one to date, and how will I ever meet someone?" I believed that I'd never get married. I felt hopeless. I felt like my life would always stay that way.

These are just three examples of when I was convinced... convinced by Satan, the father of lies, that I was doomed to stay in the miserable state I was in. Growing up my mom taught me how to discern the enemy's voice. And that we should always be on guard. It took me a while before I realized these miserable thoughts were from Satan himself. I was surprised at how subtle and sly he was. He fooled me. But that's not the end of the story.

God knew it would only take 4 times for Drew to go into the nursery screaming. It was on Easter weekend when she RAN in excitedly to her class. Instead of tears of dread, I had tears of joy. I was speechless at how quickly God helped her. Even when I was faithless, He was faithful.

When I was in college and driving a school bus, I remember praying and asking God... "If I'm not going to ever get married, then please take away my desire to be a wife"... then a couple of months later I met Josh :)

What if I give up on dieting? What if I had never taken drew to the nursery? What if I had just believed that I was meant to be single and never pursued Josh? Look what I would have missed!!!

God is constantly, whether you are aware of it or not, trying to conquer things in you so that He can bless you!!!! He makes me face my fears, not because He is a harsh God, but because He is a sweet God who wants to see us overcome and then reap the benefits, which are far greater than you can imagine.

Facing your fears is so scary. Especially if they involve change. But I'm telling you that you have nothing to lose. If you stay where you are, and never take that first step, you'll be more miserable than ever. So maybe your fear is, that once you take that first step you won't know what to do after that. GOD WILL GUIDE YOU. He seldom gives us the entire set of instructions all at once, he just gives us one step at a time. This will improve our faith.

HE WILL CONQUER YOU TO BLESS YOU.

what is your fear??? if you want to talk about it, email me :) neelyjacobson@hotmail.com

Lose your life-by Josh

Have you ever had a song that you only heard once or twice that just seems to stick with you? Well, I heard this song about four years ago and have been reminded of it several times lately. This song is written by Shane and Shane and has never been released on an album. The message of the song is very powerful. It has become a personal prayer for my life, that I would have nothing of more value than the Lord himself. That his face and his presence would be the longing of my heart. I long to hold this true in my life...

"I'd give the world to be with You,

why would I hold onto anything but only you?"

If I look back over the timeline of my life I find some "thing" attached to each period that represents my longing for contentment. I have spent so many hours, so much money, and so much thought trying to fulfill my need for satisfaction. So many days I have lost to the pit of dissatisfaction. So many days have been spent with the mindset of "if I could only do this...or be good at that...or have this."

Neely has said to me many times that she wants me to be in the present. To enjoy the right here and right now. She is so wise. I have missed so many good days with her because my mind has been off in another place planning and plotting how I might accomplish these things I think will complete me. I have held so tightly to my life and the selfish things I actually believed would satisfy. This verse is the origin of this song, and if your struggles are anything like mine, this verse has much to say to us.

Matthew 16:24-26 (New Living Translation)

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. ²⁵ If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. ²⁶ And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?<[a]'>[a] Is anything worth more than your soul?

I have had to reread this verse several times because the familiarity of it has stolen the power of what Jesus is saying.

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.

I love how well Jesus knows us. He knows that our attempts to live life our own way will fail. I love that word "try" in verse 25. That's our best attempt. To try. If we give away our life for his sake he will save us. We wont have to fight and claw through life.

How tightly I have held on to my life. Day to day I thrust myself into the plans I have for my life. I have poured myself into hobby after hobby, thing after thing just begging to be content. After many years of disappointment and discouragement I am coming to the realization that NO thing under the sun will satisfy. There is nothing that can give my heart rest. No amount of money, no amount of recognition, no amount of security in the eyes of this world. True contentment comes when you give yourself up. When you let go. When you freely allow the Lord to make you into who He designed you to be.

These lyrics are from a song I wrote a few years back. These words sum up the timeline of my life so far.

I've fought hard against Your will only to see,

nothing I could ever do will satisfy me.

Rescue me Rescue me Rescue me.

This video is the only way I have to let you hear the song by Shane and Shane. It's live and its not perfect sound quality, but the words are so good. Enjoy.

i was in search of treasure
searching the field of pleasure
sifting through gold and silver
oh what i've found is better

i was in search of fine pearls
i was in search of gaining the world
drinking from cisterns broken
i saw You and sold it all...

i could gain the world
and lose my soul
i could gain the whole wide world
but what would it matter

i’d give the world to be with You (won’t you tell me)
why would i hold on to anything but only You

oh why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on?

Shane and Shane-No Reason