YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS ABOUT ME - by neely

Lately it feels that we have been under attack from the devil himself. This isn't a blog post about a hard time that we overcame, its one just stating where we are right now in our walk. Satan has seemed to set himself against our family lately and has been trying to steal our joy. Our daughter Drew has been the best sleeper for over a year now, but starting with a nightmare a few weeks ago she hasn't been sleeping very well and if she does sleep its because we are sleeping on the floor in her room with her or she is in our bed. Josh and I haven't slept in the same bed for almost a month. That gets old.

But we have so much to be thankful for and we are thankful. We thank the Lord everyday for our health, home, and all the other ways He takes care of us. But all those bad things that we have been feeling are real. Feelings of frustration, exhaustion, confusion, depression, anger, and fear. Josh and I are aware that all these bad feelings are from the devil. We have been on our knees praying for it to leave. It just seems extra strong lately. I can't really explain what I feel and I can't share everything that's going on, so I'm just going to list a few things that I have been feeling...things no one would know about me by just a surface conversation...

No one would know that...

- I have panic attacks
- I feel like a failure as a mother
- Sometimes I want to run away
- I hate talking on the phone
- I have a hard time asking for help
- I'm so selfish
- I feel like a bad wife
- I want to eat cookies for every meal
- I'm a terrible house keeper
- I hate to cook
- I try to do it all myself
- I have weak faith
- I can't hide my feelings
- I have no patience
- I yell at God

I could go on.

Well, I'm ashamed that I've admitted all this to the world. But maybe some of you can relate. I don't want to stay this way. I don't want to make excuses anymore. Right now, I'm praying that God would bless me with the fruits of the spirit... love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control.
In The Message, this verse is worded different but I love the way it says it... I've highlighted the parts that mean something to me...Galatians 5:19-26...

^19-21It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.

This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom.

^22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.

^23-24Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.

^25-26Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we will not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives. Each of us is an original.

I'm asking the Lord to bring these "gifts" into my life and my home. It's so hard when your home is disrupted. Home is suppose to be a place of refuge and rest, and when those things are taken from us, I tend to lose all control. O God, please come.

Psalms 16:8 - NIV - I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

Email me if you want to share your thoughts or story... neelyjacobson@hotmail.com

GUTS NOT SHORTCUTS part 1 - by neely

Matthew 7:13 says... Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life - to God - is vigorous and requires total attention.

Have you ever seen a couple that has been married for a long time and they still seem happy? genuinely happy? I encourage you to ask them how they made it. There are two different types of married couples, those that make it and those that don't. Some couples ignore issues. You can call it keeping the peace if you want. Or some couples deal with issues as they come. When I say "deal" I mean they get help, they talk about it, they tell the truth, and they stay faithful, and they forgive.

For those couples who stay together but don't deal with issues... they become comfortable, content to live separate lives. They hide things from each other. This is scary in so many ways. It will end up back firing on them. Something will happen and when it does they ask themselves "how did we get here? how did this happen? I didn't see it coming" They were not paying attention.

Matthew 7:13 says at the end "requires total attention"... same for marriage. stay alert. stay in tune with each other.

Colossians 3:15 - Let the peace of Christ keep you in tune with each other, in step with each other. None of this going off and doing your own thing.

Being married is HARD. Josh and I have definitely been at a place when we could have bailed. Thankfully we didn't, and thankfully we had the same desires for our marriage. At our first session of our second round of marriage counseling, after we had just shared our main issues with the counselor, she said "well, the good news is... you two still adore each other". I can't tell you how much relief that made me feel. I knew I still loved Josh in spite of all our problems but for someone on the outside to sense that we still liked each other was extremely hopeful for me. That may not make sense, but it let me catch my breath. I didn't feel like we were drowning anymore. I'm so thankful Josh was open to going to counseling with me.

It takes major guts to face your issues. Then it takes even more guts to face your issues in a marriage. Marriage will FORCE you to change. If you don't change, you will be unhappy. Marriage forces you to become one with another person. To become one with someone, there are some things that you will have to quit doing and some things you'll have to start doing regardless of how you feel about it to make the marriage work well.

Hebrews 12:1 - Such a large crowd of witnesses is all around us! So we must get rid of everything that slows us down, especially the sin that just won't let go. And we must be determined to run the race that is ahead of us.

Pay attention to your marriage. Pay close attention. If you don't, Satan will find his way in and will go to great lengths to distort your view on your marriage and your spouse. If you are not watching Satan will rip your marriage right out from under you.

1 Peter 5:7-9 says... Keep a cool head. Stay alert. The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping. Keep your guard up. You're not the only ones plunged into these hard times. It's the same with Christians all over the world. So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good. He gets the last word; yes, he does.

So that's why so many marriages fail... because it's extremely hard work. But extremely worth it. Can you imagine a marriage without guilt, doubt, fear, and anxiety?

Job 11:13 says... Still, if you set your heart on God and reach out to him, if you scrub your hands of sin and refuse to entertain evil in your home, you'll be able to face the world unashamed and keep a firm grip on life, guiltless and fearless.

My advice to the couple who isn't married yet, but hopes to be someday... make sure you have the same desires and same convictions, make sure there's no questions. Don't get married with questions. Don't get married with doubts. If you are already doubting if it will work, don't get married at all.

My advice to the already married couple... make sure you put in a good fight for your marriage. It will be hard, especially if you are DEALING with your issues. If things seem to be easy, almost too easy, maybe you should make sure you're not ignoring issues, just so they won't blow up in your face someday. The grass isn't greener some place else. So keep defending and fighting for your marriage. It's worth it. Very worth it. It takes GUTS to have a good thriving marriage.

Malachi 2:13 - God, not you, made marriage. His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage. And what does he want from marriage? Children of God, that's what. So guard the spirit of marriage within you.

A very dear friend of mine recommend I read this book "Love and War" by John and Stasi Eldridge and it put so many things in perspective for me. I highly recommend it :) If you don't want to buy it, I have a copy, and I'd love to let you borrow it.

Josh and I feel like we are finally at a place of healing in our marriage. That doesn't mean we are fixed. I don't think we'll ever be "fixed". But we feel like we are out of the dark. This song is "our" song right now. It's called Healing Is In Your Hands by Christ Nockels

"In all things we know that we are more than conquerors" - Christy Nockels

God is our mighty healer.

We are about to drive each other crazy - by josh

Neely and I have been going through dry stage. It's really nothing new for us, most of our marriage has been extremely challenging for both of us, but lately it has seemed especially strong and in our face. I'm sure many of you have your own struggles within your marriage. Marriage is somewhat set up to be difficult. You take two completely different people who grew up with two different backgrounds (in many cases) and you put them under the same roof and hope for the best. It sounds a lot like reality TV!

I keep going back and forth in my mind about going in to detail about our problems...They are really nothing to be secretive about. I don't always like to think about our issues because I feel responsible for a lot of our problems. I feel like I have shared a million times that I struggle with anxiety. I guess I just keep bringing it up because it is a major issue for me. My anxiety not only comes from worrying about things, but more specifically, what people think about me. I feel the weight of people's opinions on me constantly. A small example that I have shared before is when I am in a drive-thru line. I order as quickly as possible and I ALWAYS have my money ready to go when I get to the window...God forbid, the person behind me would have to wait an extra 30 seconds on my account!

That kind of issue is really not a big deal on it's own, but add my sweet wife in the drivers seat and things get really tricky! Neely likes to pull up to the ordering speaker and then look the menu over...I wish I could tell you the exact number of times she has sensed me being in a rush and said about the car behind us, "oh they're just fine." Meaning that the people behind us will be alright if they have to wait a couple of minutes on us. The frustrating thing about it is I know Neely is right. I know it isn't going to kill anyone if they have to wait a few minutes...

It's easier said then done...

Here's how is how Neely and I's differences go from simple to out of control...

Neely sees me rushed...worrying about the car behind us.
Neely thinks I care more about the car behind us then her feelings (rightfully so.)
Neely believes that she is making me nervous.
At this point I am not thinking about Neely, only the pressure to hurry.
She then becomes anxious and nervous because I am uptight.
She rushes.
As we drive off, Neely feels uncomfortable and frustrated because something simple was turned into something stressful.
Before she knows it she becomes irritable .
At this point I am relieved we are finally out from the pressure.
Then the tidal wave comes when I realize Neely is feeling all the emotions above.
I ask what I did wrong.
2 hours later we are both more hurt and upset and I still don't know what I did wrong.
and on and on it goes, getting bigger and more out of control.

This is only ONE of my many issues. Put all of my struggles and issues in a big pot and throw in the few things Neely struggles with and it makes for an interesting blend.

Throughout our marriage I have always believed the Lord would use the hard times we have had for good. I have always sensed that the Lord had a specific purpose for our struggles. I guess I thought He would let up a lot sooner! Neely and I are still right in the thick of battling for our marriage. Life is day-to-day if not hour-by-hour clawing to have hope in the midst of our circumstances. Life is hard. We are in marriage counseling for the second time in our short 5 years of marriage. It has been hard to have hope lately. Both of us have to focus on the things we do have. We have the same convictions, the same hopes and dreams for Drew, and wonderful families.

I was reading out of my daily devotional and this really spoke to me.

"At His Feet" devotional-

In a crisis, we are prone to set our minds on the desired outcome. We fix our gaze on the preferred result and ask God to accomplish it. That outcome may be good and holy, but as long as it is our hope, we are not focused on Jesus and His kingdom. Jesus asks us to set our minds on God and accept what He accomplishes. The outcome may be exactly the same in both cases; but calm in our hearts will only be a reality in the latter approach. We cannot experience the peace of faith when our eyes see God as a tool to accomplish our purposes. Our eyes can be either on God or on outcomes. Not Both.

Jesus is constantly telling us to think in a way contrary to our fallen nature. It's difficult; we need frequent reminding. But it's the only way to internal rest. Pry your hopes off of your circumstances and put them on the Person who promises peace. Desire only Him, and you will never be disappointed. Or worried.
----

This was a good reminder for me to quit focusing on the difficult circumstances of our marriage and put my attention "on the Person who promises peace." I need this reminder daily. Worry is in my nature. My old nature...

2 Corinthians 5:17 (TNIV)

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Hope is all I need to keep going. As long as the Lord provides Neely and I with hope, even just a little, there is no doubt in my mind we will make it til death parts us...

God's promises are so sweet

Psalm 9:18 (TNIV)

18 But God will never forget the needy; the hope of the afflicted will never perish.

HOPELESS - by neely

Lately I've felt hopeless. I've had a lot of doubts and questions. It's one of those times when God seems quiet. He doesn't seem to speak to me at all lately. I can't force Him to speak to me. I can't force Him to answer me. I can't force Him to make me feel better. I keep asking Him to give me hope. I just need a little hope and I can get through the day. If I don't have hope, I feel depressed.

There are times when God is quiet. I don't know why. I wish I did. And it seems He is most quiet when I need Him most. It's hard for me to not take it personal.

A couple of nights ago, I read Romans 15:13 and it made sense to me...

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

I use to think that having hope was a choice. You choose to be hopeful. But after reading this verse I realized that you can't really choose to be hopeful and succeed, at least not for long. The only way you can truly know hope is to trust Him. It says, "as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

So first we trust Him and then by the power of the Holy Spirit, we overflow with hope!!

If we could choose to be hopeful, then this world would have a lot less depressed people. So today I will try and trust that there's a reason He's being quiet in my life right now. Trusting God is the way to hope.


email me :) neelyjacobson@hotmail.com

Fear- by Josh

“Fear creates a form of spiritual amnesia. It dulls our miracle memory. It makes us forget what Jesus has done and how good God is.”

Taken from Fearless by Max Lucado

A couple of nights ago my daughter and I went outside to grill some dinner. I was busy getting the grill ready when I looked over and saw Drew picking up ants with her hands. I know ants are harmless little bugs and she is certainly intrigued by all little creatures at this age but I couldn’t help but immediately tell her to put the ants down and leave them alone. My mind knows ants are harmless, yet in just a few seconds I had rationalized the possibility of ants crawling on Drew, making it into the house, and before I knew it I was imagining how difficult and how costly it would be to get rid of an army of ants infiltrating our home.

The same is true for me in so many other areas of life. Fear and worry are best friends who make it a personal mission to torment my life. One thought can quickly leave me paralyzed by fear internally. I lock up and submit to the lies they whisper to me. My mind jumps from bad, to worse, to absolute worst-case scenario in a short time. It is easy for me to see the negative in my circumstances.

Neely and I moved into our house a little over a year ago. Our backyard is open to a large field that has a lot of wildlife and living creatures in it. Last summer we got the joy of killing snakes outside and dealing with several (LARGE) spiders in our house. My fear of the two became so bad in my mind that at times I actually feared we had made a mistake buying our house. Every day I would walk into our living room and scan the floor for spiders. I would hesitate to lay on the floor to play with Drew. The weight of fear in my life was unbearable at times. It was an all-consuming fear.

These fears are just a few of many. I struggle with fearing what other people think about me. When I drive I get paranoid about being in the far right lane and blocking someone who is waiting to turn behind me. At the drive-thru I order as quickly as possible because I worry about making the people behind me wait. I fear we don’t have enough money in savings because if _________ happened it would empty our savings. The list goes on and on for me.

I am still learning how to release my fears to the Lord. It is a daily struggle and sometimes an hourly one. I heard this verse in a message by Craig Groeschel several years ago and it has been a constant prayer for me.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I have had to realize that anytime I feel fear it is not from the Lord. When I feel fear I have had to quickly recognize that the enemy is at work. In 1 Peter 5:8 (NKJV) it says,

⁸ Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.

I know this is a verse we have all heard many times in our life but I love the way the New King James Version says it… be sober, be vigilant. Dictionary.com defines vigilant this way: keenly watchful to detect danger.

It’s interesting that the Lord gives us a spirit of power, love, and of a sound mind. This is exactly the opposite spirit I have when I am overtaken by fear and worry. I feel powerless and out of control. A sound mind is my hearts longing.

Honestly, I am far from having overcome my struggle with fear. I have lost many days to its subtle destructiveness. Neely and I have been married for almost 5 years and it is just as much an issue for me today as it was when we got married. I feel helpless to it. I read a devotional just this morning that really impacted me…

At His Feet- June 14

...Many Christians get caught in an inconsistency between their words and their lives. It’s quite common. We say we love God, but we fail repeatedly in our obedience, usually in one or two areas in particular. We have secret sins, nagging habits, persistent character flaws that we just do not want to let go of. We know this, and we know God’s desire for us to leave those things behind. But we don’t; it’s too hard. That’s when we need to ask ourselves a deep question: Do I really love Him? That’s the issue, isn’t it? If we loved Him more than that habit, sin, or character flaw, we would have victory. We pursue the things we love most. If we hang on to our hidden faults, don’t we love them more?

Jesus often used “love” and “obey” in the same sentence. It isn’t a coincidence. It’s a challenge. Search your soul. Decide whom you love, and obey Him with all your heart.

We pursue the things we love most…

For many years I have excused my issues. Today I’m going to decide whom I love and obey Him. Will you join me?

"The path to your greatest potential is often straight through your greatest fear."

-Craig Groeschel

HE WILL CONQUER YOU TO BLESS YOU - by neely

ISAIAH 30:18
Yet the Lord still waits for you to come to him, so he can show you his love; He will conquer you to bless you.

The last sentence "He will conquer you to bless you"... is the story of my life.

Let me try to explain with these three experiences...

FIRST:
I've been trying to lose weight for about 5 months now. After having Drew, 2 years ago, I realized that I had 15 pounds to lose to get back to my weight before I got pregnant. I've tried off and on for the last two years without much success. In January I decided to get serious about losing weight. I joined a gym and was eating better. It's now May and I haven't lost one pound!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is so discouraging, to try so hard, and get no results. Whatever!!!! Slowly, I've become convinced that I cannot lose weight and that I'll just have to get use to being bigger than I've ever been.

SECOND:
Josh and I put off taking Drew to the nursery at church for two years and we finally decided that it was time that she get use to being in a class with other kids. The first few times we took her, she would scream and kick and beg us not to leave her. I would get sick to my stomach. It was horrible. I would cry during church knowing she was in there scared. It didn't feel natural to me. It didn't even feel right. I was convinced she would never like it, and that she would be traumatized. I was convinced I would never be able to enjoy sitting through church, because my daughter hated the nursery. I started to dread going to church all together.

THIRD:
I had just gotten out of a gut wrenching relationship that left me feeling misunderstood and a little bitter. But I was also spending a lot of time with the Lord, praying and asking him to guide and direct me towards the next chapter in my life. I wasn't really hanging out with my friends a whole lot. I was just trying to figure myself out. I was bored with my life. I was going to college and driving a school bus as my job. I was getting a little depressed feeling like I had no direction in my life. I hated school, and my job wasn't the best either. I remember being on my bus dropping kids off and a thought popped in my head, "There's absolutely no one to date, and how will I ever meet someone?" I believed that I'd never get married. I felt hopeless. I felt like my life would always stay that way.

These are just three examples of when I was convinced... convinced by Satan, the father of lies, that I was doomed to stay in the miserable state I was in. Growing up my mom taught me how to discern the enemy's voice. And that we should always be on guard. It took me a while before I realized these miserable thoughts were from Satan himself. I was surprised at how subtle and sly he was. He fooled me. But that's not the end of the story.

God knew it would only take 4 times for Drew to go into the nursery screaming. It was on Easter weekend when she RAN in excitedly to her class. Instead of tears of dread, I had tears of joy. I was speechless at how quickly God helped her. Even when I was faithless, He was faithful.

When I was in college and driving a school bus, I remember praying and asking God... "If I'm not going to ever get married, then please take away my desire to be a wife"... then a couple of months later I met Josh :)

What if I give up on dieting? What if I had never taken drew to the nursery? What if I had just believed that I was meant to be single and never pursued Josh? Look what I would have missed!!!

God is constantly, whether you are aware of it or not, trying to conquer things in you so that He can bless you!!!! He makes me face my fears, not because He is a harsh God, but because He is a sweet God who wants to see us overcome and then reap the benefits, which are far greater than you can imagine.

Facing your fears is so scary. Especially if they involve change. But I'm telling you that you have nothing to lose. If you stay where you are, and never take that first step, you'll be more miserable than ever. So maybe your fear is, that once you take that first step you won't know what to do after that. GOD WILL GUIDE YOU. He seldom gives us the entire set of instructions all at once, he just gives us one step at a time. This will improve our faith.

HE WILL CONQUER YOU TO BLESS YOU.

what is your fear??? if you want to talk about it, email me :) neelyjacobson@hotmail.com

Lose your life-by Josh

Have you ever had a song that you only heard once or twice that just seems to stick with you? Well, I heard this song about four years ago and have been reminded of it several times lately. This song is written by Shane and Shane and has never been released on an album. The message of the song is very powerful. It has become a personal prayer for my life, that I would have nothing of more value than the Lord himself. That his face and his presence would be the longing of my heart. I long to hold this true in my life...

"I'd give the world to be with You,

why would I hold onto anything but only you?"

If I look back over the timeline of my life I find some "thing" attached to each period that represents my longing for contentment. I have spent so many hours, so much money, and so much thought trying to fulfill my need for satisfaction. So many days I have lost to the pit of dissatisfaction. So many days have been spent with the mindset of "if I could only do this...or be good at that...or have this."

Neely has said to me many times that she wants me to be in the present. To enjoy the right here and right now. She is so wise. I have missed so many good days with her because my mind has been off in another place planning and plotting how I might accomplish these things I think will complete me. I have held so tightly to my life and the selfish things I actually believed would satisfy. This verse is the origin of this song, and if your struggles are anything like mine, this verse has much to say to us.

Matthew 16:24-26 (New Living Translation)

²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. ²⁵ If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it. ²⁶ And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?<[a]'>[a] Is anything worth more than your soul?

I have had to reread this verse several times because the familiarity of it has stolen the power of what Jesus is saying.

If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it.

I love how well Jesus knows us. He knows that our attempts to live life our own way will fail. I love that word "try" in verse 25. That's our best attempt. To try. If we give away our life for his sake he will save us. We wont have to fight and claw through life.

How tightly I have held on to my life. Day to day I thrust myself into the plans I have for my life. I have poured myself into hobby after hobby, thing after thing just begging to be content. After many years of disappointment and discouragement I am coming to the realization that NO thing under the sun will satisfy. There is nothing that can give my heart rest. No amount of money, no amount of recognition, no amount of security in the eyes of this world. True contentment comes when you give yourself up. When you let go. When you freely allow the Lord to make you into who He designed you to be.

These lyrics are from a song I wrote a few years back. These words sum up the timeline of my life so far.

I've fought hard against Your will only to see,

nothing I could ever do will satisfy me.

Rescue me Rescue me Rescue me.

This video is the only way I have to let you hear the song by Shane and Shane. It's live and its not perfect sound quality, but the words are so good. Enjoy.

i was in search of treasure
searching the field of pleasure
sifting through gold and silver
oh what i've found is better

i was in search of fine pearls
i was in search of gaining the world
drinking from cisterns broken
i saw You and sold it all...

i could gain the world
and lose my soul
i could gain the whole wide world
but what would it matter

i’d give the world to be with You (won’t you tell me)
why would i hold on to anything but only You

oh why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on (no reason why)
why would I hold on?

Shane and Shane-No Reason

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES - by neely

Every person has a God shaped hole in their hearts, that only He can fill. No matter how close you are to God, we've all tried at one point or another to fill this hole with something other than God. We do this out of desperation.

I think all females desire to be desired. We want to be complimented, loved, wanted, adored, and romanced. And when we get married we start to subconciously expect our husbands to be responsible for all of these things. When the husband starts lacking in showing us love and attention, thats when the wife starts asking herself... "does he think about me? does he want to spend time with me? is he thinking about someone else? is he even attracted to me anymore? does he even love me anymore?"

Then we start to become bitter and needy. We get emotional and beg for him to notice us. If the begging doesnt work, some of us escape to a fantasy world. For example, romance novels, soap operas, TWILIGHT. These things can be like porn for girls and can destroy our view of love. Fantasy is Satan's tool to keep us away from reality. Satan works slow and subtle. Before you know it, you've lost all hope in your husband. If you keep feeding yourself with fantasy, you may find it close to impossible to be satisfied and content with your real life. This can be devastating to your marriage. Don't fall for this lie.

When I watched Pride and Prejudice for the first time, I longed for my husband Josh to love me like Mr. Darcy loved Elizabeth. I knew Josh loved me, but he didnt show it like Mr. Darcy. So this made me compare myself to Elizabeth... " If i looked like her, maybe then he would love me like that"

This sweet and innocent movie made me question the love Josh had for me and also my worth. I know it seems silly and immature but I know there are wives out there who understand what i'm talking about. I let a movie define the way I want to be loved.

The bible defines love as this...

1 corinthians 13:4-8

love is very patient and kind, never jealous, or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. love does not demand its own way. it is not irritable or touchy. it does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong. its never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. If you love someone, you will be loyal to him no matter what the cost. you will always believe in him, and always stand your ground in defending him.

After reading that verse, can you really expect your husband to love you perfectly like this? If we did expect this, we'd be disappointed all the time. No matter how great he is.


So what should we do with this longing to be loved so perfectly?


Let God quench that longing. The hole in your heart can only be filled by God. If you dont let him fill it, you'll always be searching for something. I think once we are finally filled up with God's love, thats when our husbands will be captivated by us. All because we're already complete by the love of Christ. We will lose our unhealthy need to try and get his attention. We will start to find joy in making our husband happy instead of longing for him to make us happy.

I've realized that I can get Josh's attention a lot easier if I'm not anxious or uptight.

1 Peter 3:4 says...

but let it be inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which (is not anxious or wrought up, but) is very precious in the sight of God.

In 1 Peter 3:2 its giving advice to wives about husbands. it says... your godly lives will speak to them better than any words.

This post is for the desperate wives that long to be loved in a deep and satisfying way.

Jesus was Amazed-By Josh

I have to admit that I tend to shy away from reading out of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. It has to do with my pride. I have heard numerous times growing up that new believers should start with the gospels. I don't feel like a new believer. I feel more mature than that. I like to dig in to the more advanced stuff. I want to dive into the lessons of Job, Paul's writings from prison, or maybe get really ambitious and read through revelations. Besides, if you've read one of the gospels you've read them all right?

All that to say, I have committed to reread the gospels. I am not very deep into my new venture and I already feel like the Lord is revealing new things to me. Things my pride could not see. I have always struggled with having a proper view of who God is. When I think about heaven I long to see the angels. I want to see the seraphim's described in Isaiah 6 with six wings. I want to hear them shout "holy, holy, holy is the Lord God almighty, The whole earth is full of his glory." I want to feel the temple shake by the mighty sound of their voices. Yet, I can't help but realize how wrong I am. Desiring the created instead of the Creator. If their worship is that powerful how much greater is the One they are praising. My view of God is so small. This plays out daily in my life. I cling to worry instead of living a carefree life of faith.

I came across this small story early in Matthew and I thought it was worth sharing.

Matthew 8:5-13 (New Living Translation)

5 When Jesus returned to Capernaum, a Roman officer[b] came and pleaded with him, 6 “Lord, my young servant[c] lies in bed, paralyzed and in terrible pain.”

7 Jesus said, “I will come and heal him.”

8 But the officer said, “Lord, I am not worthy to have you come into my home. Just say the word from where you are, and my servant will be healed. 9 I know this because I am under the authority of my superior officers, and I have authority over my soldiers. I only need to say, ‘Go,’ and they go, or ‘Come,’ and they come. And if I say to my slaves, ‘Do this,’ they do it.”

10 When Jesus heard this, he was amazed. Turning to those who were following him, he said, “I tell you the truth, I haven’t seen faith like this in all Israel! 11 And I tell you this, that many Gentiles will come from all over the world—from east and west—and sit down with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob at the feast in the Kingdom of Heaven. 12 But many Israelites—those for whom the Kingdom was prepared—will be thrown into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

13 Then Jesus said to the Roman officer, “Go back home. Because you believed, it has happened.” And the young servant was healed that same hour.

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Several things stuck out to me as I read this. A few verses before this story takes place it mentions that a crowd was with Jesus. When this officer "came and pleaded with him" it was in front of a number of people. Next, I felt the urgency on the part of the officer when he said his servant was laying in bed paralyzed and in terrible pain. Then the craziest thing happens, Jesus simply says "I will come and heal him." No questions asked...The officer just received what he desperately desired from the best of the best, the ultimate physician. His response...I am unworthy to have you come into my home. Say the word and it is as good as done.

That doesn't sound much like our culture today does it, passing on an opportunity to have Jesus into their home. The same Jesus who was creating all the buzz. The Jesus who was quickly becoming well known. We long to be in the presence of greatness. Whether it's athletes, musicians, or politicians; we desperately want to be associated with excellence for our gain. People connect themselves with royalty and fame through their cousin's uncle's brother's friend. We long to be associated with the people who appear important in the eyes of this world.

This Roman officer understood who Jesus was and what he was capable of. My favorite part about this story is that Jesus was amazed at what he heard. I don't know about you but I would love to amaze God. I long to have faith that stands above the rest. Jesus said he had not seen faith like that in all of Israel. I know we have all heard this verse a thousand times before but I thought this story put a new perspective on it.

Matthew 17:20 (New Living Translation)

20 “You don’t have enough faith,” Jesus told them. “I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.[a]”

I don't pretend to know what faith as small as a mustard seed means, but I do know what it looks like. It looks like the officer in the story. Listen to Jesus' response to this mans bold faith, "because you believed, it has happened."

Think It Over-by Josh

I have always struggled with feeling insignificant. I look around and see the Lord using so many people I know in unbelievable ways and I feel buried by the unending pile of internal issues I still have to face. Reality is that I will always have issues to deal with. They are unending...We never reach a point of solution. Yet, in my mind, I still subconsciously create this place in life I will reach that will leave me perfectly ready to be used by the Lord and until I reach that I will always be ineffective and useless.

This could possibly be one of the most crippling and deceptive tools the enemy has used against me. Thankfully, the Lord speaks directly to this in 2 Corinthians. Paul is talking about an experience where he was shown heaven and how he could rightfully boast about all that he had seen.

2 Corinthians 12: ...7-8 (New Living Translation)

So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.
8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Paul took pleasure in his weaknesses...

This devotional spoke directly to me a few days ago. I hope it encourages you.


Think It Over: "April 13, 2010
Think It Over
by Charles R. Swindoll

Centuries ago a little boy found himself in the midst of a vast crowd of people---larger than any group he'd ever seen. He had come out of curiosity, having heard that a man named Jesus was nearby.
Not knowing how far he would have to travel or how long he would be gone, the boy had packed a small lunch for himself, a couple of small fish and some bread.
Suddenly a man tapped the lad on the shoulder and asked what he had in his hand. And the next thing the boy knew, his lunch was feeding over five thousand people!
Once Jesus got hold of the boy's simple meal there was no limit to what He could make of it.
Feeling a little overwhelmed? Starting to get the idea that you're surrounded by folks getting giant things done while it's all you can do to make it through the week? Maybe you've fallen into a well of comparison, and you're drowning in discouragement because 'compared to ______' you're not making nearly the difference he or she is.
To all who feel overwhelmed or who are tempted to take a much too critical look at their lives and feel insignificant . . . take heart! Do what you can!

Excerpted from Day by Day with Charles Swindoll, Copyright © 2000 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. (Thomas Nelson Publishers). All rights reserved worldwide. Used by permission."

LIVE WELL - by josh

I never drank in high school. Not once.

I remember back to my high school graduation. The ceremony had just ended and everyone was moving outside to head to their family celebrations. I was standing with my parents and, still to this day I don't know why, I said "I'm going to get drunk tonight." My parents' response, "Well your an adult now, we can't stop you." Wow...Ever felt like you've just been given permission to do something you know you shouldn't but you just couldn't resist? And what better time to start. The night of my senior party! I mean, this was the last time me and all my classmates would be together right?

Getting drunk is Exactly what I did. And man was it a great experience. I had never laughed so much in one night! I felt like I had just been let in on the big secret I had been missing all through school... Even walking up and down the stairs was fun in my new altered state. I woke up the next morning and was a total believer. That summer left me looking for any and every opportunity to drink.

The remainder of summer break and into my first semester of college I was hard at it. I fit drinking into almost every night of the week. I would work on my homework until I got to buzzed to concentrate. Some nights I'd drink so much that I would still be drunk when I showed up for my 8 o'clock class.

Those were some of the darkest days of my life. I quickly unlearned all that I thought I stood for. The "F" word was a fill word as common as "the" or "and." My whole attitude changed. I am still haunted by the guilt and shame of my actions. Not only did I humiliate myself but I also hurt others in the process. I can never take those days back.

You may be trying to figure out where this whole story is heading. I know this story isn't for you reading this. You don't get drunk. Your just a "social" or "casual" drinker. You like to enjoy a beer or a glass of wine with your meal. You don't get drunk. You have control.

Besides, it's a new day. This is a new generation. I couldn't agree more...Neely and I have had multiple conversations about this. We don't know more than 10 people among our friends who claim to know Christ that don't drink and 4 of those that come to mind live out of state! It is definitely a new generation.

I shared my story to show how my one moment of weakness caused hurts and pains I will never fully know. You may have grown up in a christian home. You may have never experienced alcohol abuse first hand. You may think alcoholics are people stuffed in bars who don't want to deal with reality. But aren't we all one choice away from something like that? My one decision on graduation day could have ruined me for good. By God's Grace he saved me from myself.

Colossians 1:13 (The Message)

13-14God rescued us from dead-end alleys

and dark dungeons.

He's set us up in the kingdom of the Son he loves so much,

the Son who got us out of the pit we were in,

got rid of the sins we were doomed to keep repeating.

I'm forever thankful for all that the Lord has saved me from. I have a lot darkness in my past...impure relationships, an addiction to pornography, struggles with alcohol and tobacco. I have been saved from so much! Since we are all human I'm guessing the Lord has saved you from much as well. So lets live well. The best lives we can in complete devotion to a God that owes us nothing. A God we would be nothing without. So lets not be careless. Life is short.

Psalm 39:5 (New Living Translation)

5 You have made my life no longer

than the width of my hand.

My entire lifetime is just a moment to you;

at best, each of us is but a breath.”

HE FIGHTS FOR US - by neely

Many of you have already seen this video. Its a few years old, but I never get tired of watching it. I usually don't like skits because they sometimes seem unrealistic and cheesey. But if you watch this video the whole way through, it becomes very powerful. It's a reminder to me that Jesus not only has fought for me to His death, but is still fighting for me today. He protects me from things I dont even know about. When I've gone astray, He's waiting for me. And when I try to run back to Him, that's when Satan tries his hardest to keep me down. That's when Jesus comes along and fights for me. How will I ever repay him for that? I'm so thankful and relieved today to have a SAVIOR who fights for me when i'm to weak to lift my head. Click on the link to watch the video...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

SOMETIMES HE LEADS US BLIND - by josh

Anxiety is my number one enemy. I struggle daily with it. For so many years I have molded my life with anxiety built in to it. I associate anxiety and stress with success and hard work. My journal is full of prayers and scripture about my struggle with anxiety, contentment, and fear. Now that I am married I have learned the hard way that Anxiety not only effects me but it also effects my spouse and potentially my daughter.

Neely and I went through a very challenging transition period in our marriage a few years ago. It was one of those times when the Lord took away all of our comfort and all of our security. I remember feeling helpless and lost as well as carrying the burden of being a husband and soon-to-be father. It was one of those times in life that really stretch you. A time when you either mature and grow or you fold. I remember during that time I was journaling and struggling with what the future would hold and extremely anxious about a new beginning and the Lord gave me these simple words.

Rest...

God knows what He's Doing

While your anxiously waiting

He's meticulously leading you

His ways are high

His plans Still good

Just know that sometimes

He leads us blind

The idea that God was working in our situation with his total attention even though we felt we had no evidence of that gave me a little room to breath. It was like the Lord said to me I am making Precise plans for you both but I am choosing not to reveal them to you "yet".

One of my favorite stories in the bible takes place in 2 Kings 6. Its the story of Elisha and his servant. A quick summary is the King of Aram was at war with Israel. He would make a plan to defeat Israel and the Lord would warn Elisha ahead of time so Elisha could tell the King of Israel. This frustrated the King of Aram and he obviously thought someone on his side was warning the Israelites. The King of Aram's men finally told him that Elisha, the prophet who is in Israel tells the King of Israel the very words you speak in your bedroom! continued...

2 Kings 6:13-17 (NLT)

13 “Go and find out where he is,” the king commanded, “so I can send troops to seize him.”
And the report came back: “Elisha is at Dothan.” 14 So one night the king of Aram sent a great army with many chariots and horses to surround the city.
15 When the servant of the man of God got up early the next morning and went outside, there were troops, horses, and chariots everywhere. “Oh, sir, what will we do now?” the young man cried to Elisha.
16 “Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!” 17 Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire.

I was just like that servant. Scared, afraid, overwhelmed, and anxious. Little did I know the Lord had already come prepared for my dilemma. I don't pretend to know what any of your situations might be, but I do know that whether you or I can see it...The Lord has already defeated your trouble before you've even recognized it. Your perspective may be limited like the servant of Elisha's was...no less, remember this promise...

Isaiah 46:4

4 I will be your God throughout your lifetime—

until your hair is white with age.

I made you, and I will care for you.

I will carry you along and save you.

LOVE AT FIRST SITE???? - by neely

If you are one of those girls who had such an easy breezy time being a new mom, this isnt for you. Also, I respect those girls who have ten thousand kids one after another and always have a smile.
I went to lunch last week with my friend jessica who just had a little boy a few weeks ago. She reminded me of the things I felt when I had Drew.
When I found out I was pregnant with Drew, I was so excited. Nervous, but excited. Little did I know, she would rock my world.
When you're pregnant people tell you all kinds of things. Most people told me that the first glance at their child, they fell in love!!!! Some said, "I locked eyes with my sweet baby and I was hooked". Others said, "The second he came out, I was on cloud nine!"
Well... I didnt feel those things when Drew was born. Does that make me a terrible person? Don't get me wrong, when they first handed her to me, there was already a love in my heart for her, but I didn't feel like I was on cloud nine. I still felt very nervous. I felt dumb because I didn't know how to feed her or even calm her. I remember laying in the hospital bed with her laying in her little bed next to me. She was finally asleep. Josh was asleep. My parents had left for the night. And I just sobbed. As I was looking at her, I was thinking. "I don't know her. She's never going to leave. I'm 100% responsible for her well being, safety, and even happiness. I have to take care and love someone I dont even know???" It completely overwhelmed me and I was wondering why I didnt feel the "love at first site".
I guess that makes me really selfish. But those thoughts and feelings were real to me. I was nervous about leaving the hospital because I wasn't going to have all that help at home. When we got home the first night, josh and I both cried. We were so overwhelmed.
I cried everyday if not ALL day for about 3 to 4 months. People would call it "baby blues" or "post partum", but i didnt like it being called that. It felt way more intense and real than just "baby blues". I was in mourning over my freedom, my body, and myself. And it was hard for me to believe that there were some mom's who didnt feel this way even a little. I couldnt just go on a date with my husband, i couldnt just go to sonic, target, or the mall. Now, i had a little person that either had to come with me or i had to get a babysitter. There were three things I constantly felt. If not one all of them. SADNESS, GUILT, AND TRICKED. I felt sad sometimes because I was a completely new person. I was no longer a wife with a good job and lots of freedom. I was now a stay at home mom, with no job, and completely responsible for this little baby I've never met before. My whole identity changed over night. And i felt guilty. Guilty for being sad when i should be happy. Guilty for crying when i should be smiling. Guilty for leaving her with someone else for a while. And last I felt tricked. God gives you 9 months to prepare yourself, and people give you books and advice to prepare yourself. But NOTHING can prepare you for this kind of change. No one tells you about all the details about how hard it is to adjust. I guess they dont want to scare you. But I wish someone did tell me about this part. It's just plain tough, there's no getting around it.
Now for the hope, positive, and happy part of what i want to say :) IT GET'S BETTER. Especially when you ask God for his help.
When people find out you are having a hard time as a new mom, they start to tell their secrets. How they felt depressed too. That helped me so much to know I wasnt this selfish girl who was the only one who felt these things. I remember when Drew was about 5 weeks old, i had just finished giving her a bottle. I set the bottle down and looked down and she smiled so big at me, looked me straight in the eyes, and then let out a little sigh. My heart skipped a beat. It was the first time she ever smiled. She had smiled in her sleep but she never smiled purposely before that moment. It was the first time I felt that love, that everyone talks about. It takes a newborn a few weeks to smile at you. And when they do, you will know that they like you!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) Its the best. That day was the first day i felt truly connected to her. And little by little your days get easier, you get to know them more. Drew will be two next month, and I will say I still have "those days" every once in a while when I wish I was free again. But my love has grown through the roof for drew. She's my little friend. I want her in my life. I'm so glad I have her. Dont know what i'd do without her. All the sad days were very well worth it. She's my squarshy baby lovers :) So the love at first site didn't happen for me. My love for Drew grew bigger everyday. The more I got to know her the more I loved her. :)
If you are a new mom and ever want to vent, cry, or talk please email me. I'll cry with you. :) neelyjacobson@hotmail.com

Psalms 30:4 (msg.) - The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter!